The thoughts i have on this have been very helpful. I highly suggest this book! But with every book take precaution test it against the truth of the Bible. Discern truth and opinion.
Review of Joshua Harris’ Boy Meets Girl
The thing that compelled me most about Joshua Harris’ perspective was that he emphasized that a relationship (dating or courtship) is just another part of our lives in which we need to seek how we can set it apart for God’s glory. In that sense, this book is a call to holiness with an emphasis on courtship. What is courtship? I’m not sure I still know, but to put my understanding on paper it seems to be a “dating” relationship with purpose. Purpose. What a powerful idea… to be prayerfully thinking ahead. Purpose lessens the provision for the flesh and horrible mistakes. It pulls communication to the forefront, allowing rules and guidelines to be put in place. I’m not sure I’m sold on the idea of courtship, but here is what I have determined. The principles that Harris lays down should be put into any dating relationship. So laying all confusing/misleading terminology aside here’s what I’ve figured out:
Purpose. The Purpose of any relationship should be to prayerfully consider the idea of marriage (openly) with the person you are dating. You are not dating for the sake of dating, or having a girlfriend/boyfriend, but because you are seeking something more (seriously, no joke. This isn’t an excuse or façade). Purpose means communication. You must purpose what your standards will be, what safe guards will be in place.
Purity. Purity is a priority. The relationship should not just be encouraging purity, but making its provision. That means not making provision for the flesh. Some people will have different standards. I see that purity is more than just virginity. Intimacy is a whole package: physical intimacy begins long before sexual intercourse. My mind needs to be pure. My intentions need to be pure. Again with purpose. This is for the Lord. I am not going to be virgin by happenstance, but purposefully pure in obedience to God and for his glory.
Patience. Waiting on God is one of the hardest things to do. I’ve let impatience get the best of me before, so I know what Harris is talking about. Patience to wait to start a relationship. Patience to let it unfold at a healthy pace. Patience to be guarded emotionally. Wisdom calls us to slow down. Patience is one result of bringing Godly wisdom into romance. How often does “love” happen before friendship; “before they’ve built a friendship, they started playing at love.” Psalm 38:15 is a good reminder, “But for you, O LORD, do I wait; it is you, O LORD, my God, who will answer.”
Selflessness. Another facet provided by wisdom, this shows that nothing good will come from seeking my own desires. I must consider God. I must consider her; is she not also my sister in Christ (first and foremost). Whether or not she is “mine”, I am to love her as myself (James 3:17, Luke 6:31). Always do what’s best for the other person. Selfishness will motivate me to steal intimacy.
Lust Steals.
Community. Courtship will be successful when there are other people involved in the relationship. People to see, guide, help, and share in the joys and sorrows. You need to know someone for who they really are, not just during a 1 on 1 romantic setting, but with their church, their family, their friends. Community just makes sense.
Overall, Boy Meets Girl is an excellent book with great principles. Its stories are touching and compelling. It is filled with wisdom on the subject of relationships and has made me rethink a lot of my own ideas (or lack of ideas). I’m not saying I agree with everything Harris has to say.